You are never alone!

I have heard so many congratulate me on growing up without siblings. On never having my toys broken in my childhood. A whiny sister stealing all my attention. A brother constantly annoying you with his stupid pranks. Those war like situations over the last cookie. Over having to share your room with someone.

Most people think being an only child has so many advantages; parents spoiling you, getting whatever you want and the best of all things. What many don’t realize is that being the only child does indeed have an overwhelming side effect.

Loneliness.

Being the only one I have taught myself how to be alone. I would spend my days playing by myself when I was a child, drawing and made up games my allies. However, my main occupation is and was reading.

I surrounded myself with hundreds of these paper friends, three bookshelf full. My life filled with my bed, my book and myself. The thrill and rush I get when buying a book, when entering a bookstore and finding myself in that quiet, the musty scent of those pages fraught with magic, wonder, excitement and a world beyond my reach, it’s like no other feeling.

I usually have the house to myself too in the afternoons, as both my parents are hard at work. Sometimes the quiet, the silence, it would get to me. I would never miss a day of school when I could, I still don’t. I surrounded myself with enough friends to let myself think that I’m not alone. I’m a very trusting person and sometimes I found myself at a situation where despite having many ‘friends’, I was still indeed very much alone.

Being scared of that feeling, I tended to attach myself to many and think of them as life. But today, I learned the difference between whose shoulder I could cry on and who I could just laugh with. You might think that those who just make you smile are your best of friends, but that is indeed not true.

You will cross roads with many who make you laugh endlessly. Those you go have various lunches with, see movies with, you spend every day with. But many of those are there to do just that, no more. They aren’t there when the problems start. They don’t care about how you feel. They aren’t the ones who notice when you are hurt inside as long as you smile at them, no matter how fake that smile is. If, however, you do tell them? They might pat your back and give you a small hug with a few words. They might make you feel happy, but are not the ones to make you warm.

The other kind is what you need to cherish. The ones who after a day out make you content and whole. The ones who hug you, furiously tell you that you are the best person in the world and make you believe it if you are down. Those who you think of when something bad happens. Those who know that something is indeed wrong. Those who you know will never leave you behind.

I realize now who the latter in my life are. I realize now how much they mean to me. I realize now that I can never truly live up to what they have done for me.

And after realizing that, I know I’ll never truly be alone.

Ilma Zuberi.