The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

I sat, silent, leaning against the wall, my hands wrapped firmly around my knees. My eyes were closed, for even opening them would not remove the crushing darkness. My lips were dry and I was parched, but what use was eating or drinking when it would only sustain the one thing I did not want; to live.
I leaned my head back against the wall and winced as the memories whirled again.
She laughed loudly and shook her head at my antics. I stuck my tongue out at her, walking still like our grade 9 teacher had done, not caring what any other thought. She laughed again and linked her arm through mine, launching into a vivid opinion of exactly how idiotic Professor Ehab had been.
We walked at a leisurely pace pointing discreetly at the people walking on the road and giggling like a couple of loonies. Our conversation altered from how sexy British accents were to the potential psycho paths in our college. There was no sequence or any logic, but still the conversation made perfect sense to us.
We stopped to buy ice cream at the corner of the road. "110rs." The salesman said. She turned to me and asusual shrugged, "I'm broke." I rolled my eyes as I reached into my pocket.
"Tell me something new, you idiot." I told her as I looked for change. She grinned and walked on, licking her ice cream, turning to stick out her tongue at me.
"Here." I said to the man handing him some money. I stood patiently waiting for the change. I turned my head to watch her crossing the road.
A swish of wind blew past me and I saw a car turning wildly around the corner. Straight for her.
My ice cream fell and I screamed, "WATCH OUT!" Her eyes turned to the car speeding at her and she turned to run, her eyes catching mine. They shone with fright as the car hit her. I screamed, calling out for her desperately.
I turned my head as the tears ran and clutched myself tighter. The silence crept around me until I was afraid to breathe in case I upset it. She had always been there to break it, but no more... No one was there anymore.
A creak sounded. I recognised it as the sound of the door opening. Why could they not just leave me be?
"Hey." A low, deep voice whispered. My eyes opened and widened slightly at the familiar brown hair and kind face. I turned away. Footsteps sounded as he walked toward me. He sank on the floor next to me and did not say anything, offered no sympathies or suggestions as many did. He just sat quietly next to me.
"Why did you come back from America?" I asked turning to face him, my voice hoarse from not speaking in a good while.
"I heard a friend needed me so I came." He said simply, turning to me. His eyes shimmered with soft familiarity.
"You didn't have to." I spoke. He smiled softly and reached forward wrapping his arms around me.
"Of course I did." He whispered stroking my hair. I clutched his shirt.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I promised I'd be there for you every time you needed me." He said.
"She promised that too." I spoke, my voice breaking at the end.
"But she never left you alone. She made sure I'd come." He said rubbing my arm.
"How?"
He took out a piece of paper from his pocket, "She left this in her will for me."
'Return to her for I have left, but she cannot be alone.'
I cried on his shoulder and he let me. I knew I would never be alone for she would always be there.
Ilma Zuberi.
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You are never alone!

I have heard so many congratulate me on growing up without siblings. On never having my toys broken in my childhood. A whiny sister stealing all my attention. A brother constantly annoying you with his stupid pranks. Those war like situations over the last cookie. Over having to share your room with someone.

Most people think being an only child has so many advantages; parents spoiling you, getting whatever you want and the best of all things. What many don’t realize is that being the only child does indeed have an overwhelming side effect.

Loneliness.

Being the only one I have taught myself how to be alone. I would spend my days playing by myself when I was a child, drawing and made up games my allies. However, my main occupation is and was reading.

I surrounded myself with hundreds of these paper friends, three bookshelf full. My life filled with my bed, my book and myself. The thrill and rush I get when buying a book, when entering a bookstore and finding myself in that quiet, the musty scent of those pages fraught with magic, wonder, excitement and a world beyond my reach, it’s like no other feeling.

I usually have the house to myself too in the afternoons, as both my parents are hard at work. Sometimes the quiet, the silence, it would get to me. I would never miss a day of school when I could, I still don’t. I surrounded myself with enough friends to let myself think that I’m not alone. I’m a very trusting person and sometimes I found myself at a situation where despite having many ‘friends’, I was still indeed very much alone.

Being scared of that feeling, I tended to attach myself to many and think of them as life. But today, I learned the difference between whose shoulder I could cry on and who I could just laugh with. You might think that those who just make you smile are your best of friends, but that is indeed not true.

You will cross roads with many who make you laugh endlessly. Those you go have various lunches with, see movies with, you spend every day with. But many of those are there to do just that, no more. They aren’t there when the problems start. They don’t care about how you feel. They aren’t the ones who notice when you are hurt inside as long as you smile at them, no matter how fake that smile is. If, however, you do tell them? They might pat your back and give you a small hug with a few words. They might make you feel happy, but are not the ones to make you warm.

The other kind is what you need to cherish. The ones who after a day out make you content and whole. The ones who hug you, furiously tell you that you are the best person in the world and make you believe it if you are down. Those who you think of when something bad happens. Those who know that something is indeed wrong. Those who you know will never leave you behind.

I realize now who the latter in my life are. I realize now how much they mean to me. I realize now that I can never truly live up to what they have done for me.

And after realizing that, I know I’ll never truly be alone.

Ilma Zuberi.